One Relief and One Reminder
I have to admit that the author of The 5 Love Language, Gary Chapman, truly does an amazing job of summarizing the complexity of relationships to as few as five love languages. It is such an insightful book that was derived from his several decades of working experience as a marriage counsel combined with his academic studying and research.
As to the book review, I would like to talk about one relief and one reminder.
The Relief:
Maintaining a healthy relationship is never an easy task, hence many married couples start complaining about their marriage once the initial romantic high is over. We all have done that, haven't we? As Chapman confirms in the book the freshness of love does actually "expire" and learning that it normally lasts about two years more or less before the boresome of daily routines overrides the romance is truely a relief to myself. With this knowledge, I have become more acceptable to the fact that my own marriage has developed into a new stage and with such acknowledgement it does take away some of the pressure after noticing the difference between now and then (nothing is wrong, but it is just different). And knowing I am not alone in this situation has helped me to be able to reflect and refocus on things that can be done differently to enhance the relationship. It has opened up my perspective on marriage that the goal is never to go back to yesterday but to find ways to thrive in the relationship together into the future.
The Reminder:
If I have to summarize the book to one sentence, it would definitely be "Love is a choice". In one of the chapters Dr. Chapman talks about the most challenging marriage counceling case he has ever dealt with when a woman asked him how to love a person that you absolutely hate (her husband) and whether it is even possible to begin with. By sharing that experience, the author, in my opinion tries to tell us if the determination is strong, that is absolutely possible. How can two loved person get into hating each other, and such situation is never an isolated case when comes to marriages? My experience tells me often we take off the guard and stop "acting" when we get home, and we don't even attempt to make any effort to proactively give love but yet to seek love all the time. When the love tank depletes, we start pointing fingers to others but never reflects on ourselves whether the choice to love was ever made as an initiative. The book reminds me always to love first and then to seek love (in fact, the latter doesn't even need to be acted on as the magic happens on its own if we do the former part right) what a great wisdom that is shared in this book.
Hope you have enjoyed reading the first book of our book club, I have indeed.
